Finding Perspective

For those of you who don't know, ideajones once wanted to be a body builder.

I don't know where it all started. I think it might have been trying to impress a young lady. One whom I soon replaced with my well oiled chest and bikini wax.

As time went on I thought that the bigger I got the sexier I looked.

Then one morning while doing a private pose off for myself I noticed something shocking. My "Package" was smaller. Immediately I became paranoid about all the chemicals I had been taking.

How could this be? I had read all the warning labels on the snake oils I had purchased at the local SELF-IMPROVEMENT WAREHOUSE. Not one of them mentioned a penis shrinking side affect.


How could this be self-improvement? My perfectly polished muscle car had a tiny hood ornament all of a sudden.

Well, at first I was just angry which turned to depressed and crying. By the way not a pretty picture (Super muscular man naked and crying with a tiny penis in one hand and a bottle of Bronzer in the other). Later however I did read on one of my supplements that I might have mood swings.

Once I calmed down and had a Raspberry, Banana, Kumquat, Apple, and Ginseng protein shake. I made my way over to the strip mall where I purchased my new physique to demand retribution.

My penis is Tiny! Was my battle cry as I burst through the front door, causing the two young ladies behind the counter to break into a flurry of TEE HEES and scurry into the storeroom.

"I WANT TO SPEAK TO THE MANGER" I exclaimed.

Enter: A short muscular man wearing a sleeveless cutoff sweatshirt and spandex shorts.

'"Look here you Olivia Newton John reject, I have been taking your pills and powders for longer than I care to remember and now I can't find my member".

"Calm down sir, your scaring my customers" the man said.

Then he suggested we discuss this in the back, which of course I was OK with considering I had just told everyone in store I had a chicklet in my pants.

Now, I could go on and on about the dialogue between myself and this self-loather, but I don't want to bore.

What I can tell you is our conversation was a little embarrassing and involved a ruler and a minor discussion about the artistic properties of "Perspective".

So, after helping me realize that I had built a barn around a front door that was once the entrance to a 2nd story walk up. He directed me to a whole section of his store devoted to men with similar problems.

Needless to say I abandoned my barn, returned to my 2nd story walk up and never had to worry about "Perspective" again. I did however pick-up one of those penis enlargement pumps on my way out.

love,

-ideajones