I've never believed that ignorance is bliss. Although knowledge can be inconvenient and sometimes painful, it's far more upsetting to me to keep hearing about something I know nothing about. This is why I recently Googled Spencer and Heidi.
I know. For shaaaaaame.
I couldn't watch Chelsea Lately or The Soup without hearing something about these people, and it pissed me off when I didn't get the jokes. I started researching Spencer, Heidi, and their amalgamated name, Speidi. I may feel roughly 9% dumber than I was before, but at least now I can laugh at late night TV.
For anyone who hasn't yet begun to expand their godawful pop culture consciousness, here's the Cliff Notes version:
Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag are two rich kids who were (are, I guess) on this show called The Hills. The show itself is a source of controversy, because even though it's supposed to be a "reality show," it's far too slickly produced and its "stars"are far too famous to be anything other than heavily scripted. Anyway, the gist of The Hills is that pretty people have problems, too, and that those problems are way more important when you have lots of money. I've never seen it, but it's apparently really popular and people actually care what happens in the "real lives" of The Hills' actors/inhabitants.
Okay, so Spencer and Heidi are a couple who are so repugnant that not only does everyone else on The Hills hate them, but pretty much everyone who watches The Hills does, too. Think of them as The Douche and The Douchette. Spencer is a wannabe producer and business mogul who manages his and Heidi's careers. Heidi is a plastic surgery addict and gossipy bitch who designs slutty clothes for girls. They both hire paparazzi to take fake candid photos of them doing things like hanging out at the beach with several wardrobe changes.
This information can't be found on any of my online research sources, but I'm tempted to add it to their Wikipedia pages just to see what happens. It's my opinion that while Spencer and Heidi may be disliked by most people for being jerks, they also have secret venom sacs behind their incisors and enjoy Nazi-themed pornography. They sit in front of their mirror and practice speaking in soundbites. They plot moments of calculated spontaneity involving semi-nudity and glassy demon doll eyes.
America, meet your celebrities.
1 comment:
I think these two are nazi sympathizers or at least extras from that movie about a secret Nazi breeding camp in brazil. I could be wrong though. Maybe they are from the far away planet "Precious Moments". Which is probably more likely since every time I see one of those figurines or Spencer and Heidi I want to smash them on the floor and then write my name with urine in their dust.
Do I seem overly angry?
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