According to PerezHilton.com, Dane Cook is being evicted from his apartment because of dog shit. No, I'm not talking about his act, I'm talking about actual shit deposited by his dog that he refuses to clean up. I assumed his paychecks from Pretending Jessica Simpson Is An Actress (oh sorry, I meant Employee of the Month) and the Frat Guys Love Hearing Me Make Screeching Noises Tour (oh sorry, I meant whatever the fuck his tour was called) were fat enough for him to just buy a place in the Hollywood Hills, but Dane doesn't want to move and is fighting the eviction.Why?
Inspiration.
Apparently, Steve Martin and John Belushi once lived in the apartment complex currently housing Dane Cook, and forcing him to move out would cause "mental and emotional damage" that will rob him of the creative inspiration he draws from their "presence" and therefore ruin his career. He is "extremely frightened" that he "can really easily run out of ideas and stories" if he is forced to leave, because he has "seen it happen to other comics, that something interferes with their connection to their creative muse, and it's destroyed careers."
(All quotes according to court documents filed by Dane's lawyers.)
I'm hearing two sounds inside my head at the moment -- one is Belushi having seizures in his grave and the other is Steve Martin vomiting.
Dane Cook doesn't seem like the most humble guy on earth, but I find it simultaneously hilarious and sickening that he would consider John Belushi and Steve Martin to be his creative muses. Consider yourself a fan if you must, Dane, but don't for a second claim that their bygone presence in your apartment complex actually inspires your act. That's blasphemous to good comedy and insults two truly great comics by implying that all they did was write punchlines including some act of violence "in your face." I'm sure that's funny if you've had one too many keg stand-induced bloodrushes to the head, but outside of the frathouse, it's less amusing.
By the way, Dane, I hope Belushi's ghost comes to your front porch and lights a paper bag o' dog shit on fire. Bad neighborship is a bitch, huh?
1 comment:
So Dane subscribes to the same transitive trait theory that Palin does - Live near Alaska = Russian expert. Live where funny people do = Funny too. Too bad he doesn't live where John Lennon did. It really is piling on to make fun of Dane. Everyone does it these days. Just remember, Dane Cook has more MySpace friends than you do.
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