First it was Elizabeth Taylor. Maybe other famous people got in on the fragrance industry before her, but she slutted White Diamonds up like nobody's business and ensured an income for herself after being Michael Jackson's friend proved unproftable. Skip ahead a decade or two and we have a market glutted with the "creations" of Mariah Carey, Jennifer Lopez, Britney Spears, Christina Aguilera, and Antonio Banderas. Jeez, even Jessica Simpson gets included if you consider edible candy lube a perfume.
I could be wrong, but it strikes me as doubtful that Britney knows much about chemistry. With this in mind, it must be pretty easy to become a perfumer. Because I'm in a charitable mood, below are a few helpful suggestions for celebrities who don't yet have perfumes on the market.
Tara Reid's Boozarella (or, failing that, I Went to Ibiza and All I Got Was this Itchy Vagina)
top notes: failure, stale margarita mix.undertones: nicotine, Herpecin A ointment, pineapple-scented air freshener from Dollar General.
packaging suggestion: brown paper bag knotted at top end with actual hair from Tara's head pulled out during latest girl-on-girl chickenfighting incident in Cancun-area Motel 6 pool.
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Sarah Palin's Vetted
top notes: gunpowder, grizzly bear muskundertones: baby wipes, crude oil
packaging suggestion: American flag. Duh.
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Barbara Walters' Eau de Eau-ld Bitch by Babwa
top notes: prunes, frosted lipstickundertones: trees, mothballs, Hugh Downs
packaging suggestion: box undecided, but includes pair of crotchless panties
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Samantha Ronson's Firemouth
top notes: Red Bull, clitoris.undertones: ambiguity, cocaine, and more clitoris
packaging suggestion: pinstripe-and-faded denim box with huge pink orchid attached.
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Rush Limbaugh's Elite
top notes: leather upholstery, McRibundertones: white bread, Oxycontin, racism
suggested packaging: righteousness-infused cigar paper
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Rachael Ray's Smell-o!
top notes: EVOO, stifling cheer, sandwichesundertones: market saturation, incredible amount of anti-depressives and mood stabilizers
suggested packaging: miniature casserole dish of mediocre quality
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Amy Winehouse's Deathwatch
top notes: scorched baking soda, Jack Daniel's, impending doom
undertones: whatever "this bitch is gonna die" smells like
suggested packaging: glass vial wrapped in dirty baggie
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David Duchovny's Hey Hot Stuff
David Duchovny's Hey Hot Stuff
top notes: shame, latexundertones: stripper dust, Lubriderm, Axe body spray
suggested packaging: clear plastic wrapped in brown paper
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