I Heart the First Lady Elect

Now that I'm no longer sick with anxiety over who will be our next president, Senator Barack Obama or Zombie Overlord McCain, I can finally get back to contributing to imrubberyourglue and feel good about putting other people down.

Sort of.

I wish I could use this blog to disparage someone or some stupid bullshit they had the misfortune to put on the Internet, but there is a more pressing issue on my mind. And that issue is....

I LOVE MICHELLE OBAMA.

I'm not usually one to care so much about the First Spouse, what with all their non-politicking and naming drug rehab clinics after themselves. I'm far more interested in the President and what they're up to, because that sort of thing directly correlates to what country I say I'm from when I travel overseas.

Michelle Obama is different.

I think Michelle Obama is quite possibly the coolest First Lady we have ever had. She may be the coolest First Lady we will ever have, unless, that is, Hillary takes office someday. Like her husband, Michelle knows how to stride onstage, command an audience, and be totally fucking awesome without looking like she's trying at all.

She also looks like she could kick some ass, but not in that obnoxious, aggressive barfly way. Michelle wouldn't bother with dumping a warm beer down your back and reaching for a clump of your hair. She's too good for that. Michelle is like a super steathy sly lady ninja.

See? You think she's reaching for the sign but she's really removing your brain. And you can't even feel it.

I'm not naive enough to think that no floozy is going to come forward and claim she schtupped the 44th President of the United States, but I really like watching Barack and Michelle Obama interact. She's not overbearing. She's not timid. She stands at eye level with him and seems to be telepathically saying to him, "You will rock my world tonight and make me breakfast in the morning!" All while respecting the hell out of him, of course, just like you know he does with her.

They seem like a way better couple than George and Laura Bush. I have nothing against Laura, not really, because I understand she's very into literacy causes. But I always got the feeling that Laura was like that slightly homely-looking, cockeyed brainy girl who got asked out by the popular frat boy and was too afraid to look back at her marginal past. I don't know what kind of Botox she's getting, but I can't imagine the kind of muscle control it must require to refrain from rolling your eyes at George Bush during a state dinner.

So thank you, Michelle Obama. Thank you for not being just another mute in pumps. Thank you for standing up with your husband instead of just alongside him, and thank you for being involved in what I'm hoping -- see, I finally have hope! -- will be an amazing presidency.