Less Than Fabulous

Brad's right. What were we thinking when we voted for a president that might actually, I don't know, do a few things right for a change? We of imrubberyourglue have been sort of adrift amid the usual piss and vinegar of the Internet. Do you miss the good old fashioned rants of early to mid-2008? Me too, yo. It's a good thing Mickey Rourke is still alive.

Mickey Rourke has recently fallen into the Old Reliable of modern day celebrity cliches -- he apologized for calling someone a name. Apparently, some gossip columnist (everyone else seems to think it's Perez Hilton) speculated that Mickey was dating Evan Rachel Wood, also known as Marilyn Manson's ex-girlfriend, also known as -- ha! -- the Welfare Version of Dita Von Teese.

Mickey took offense to being linked with an attractive young lady with potential, got drunk, and said the following to the paparazzi: "C'mon, get a grip. And tell that faggot who wrote all that shit in the paper I'd like to break his fucking legs."

And, of course, people got pissy. And, of course of course, Mickey Rourke apologized. In typical written-by-a-publicity-intern fashion, the statement read "I want to sincerely apologize for the derogatory word I used. It was insensitive and inappropriate of me and I am deeply sorry that I may have offended anyone."

Bitch, please.

I'm not advocating that anyone in the public eye should be able to gay bash their way straight to DVD. I don't think the word "faggot" should be used to describe an unsavory character, nor am I one of those religious fascists having chaste, missionary-only celebrations for the passing of the allegedly family-values-destroying Prop 8.

But I also think that the celebrity apology has gone too far. Mickey Rourke called some guy a faggot. Big fucking deal. We're not talking about Barney the Dinosaur here, we're talking about Mickey Rourke. Barfly. Cocaine. Short-lived pro boxing career. Terrifying plastic surgery. Possible Evan Rachel Wood boinking. Mickey. Fucking. Rourke. Seriously, what do people expect of the man? I'd be disappointed if he never said anything offensive about anyone.

I mean, really. Expecting Mickey Rourke to be nice is like expecting Gary Busey to be sane. It’s totally unrealistic and you’ll always be disappointed. And, if you’re like me and my fellow IRYG contributors, you’ll be irritated beyond reason that a Hollywood fuckup is forced to apologize for whatever bonehead thing everyone knew he was going to say, anyway.

So stop apologizing, Mickey Rourkes of the world. Be a drunk. Be an idiot. Be weird and creepy and brush that pubey beard to your heart’s content. Say dumb things if you’d like, but don’t for a second fool yourself into believing people expect more of you.