The Mister Rogers Solution

We should really start a Douchebag of the Week here at ImRubberYourGlue. Actually, there are so many douchebags we would have to do douchebag of the day just to scratch the service of all the douchebaggery taking place. Since a weekly recurrent column would be too much like work (forget daily), we’ll just point out DB’s as we feel like it.

Today’s DB comes to us from across the pond though I am sure similar words and certainly sentiments from highly paid CEOs have been uttered right here in the good ol’ U.S. of A. Jake Ulrich, who makes 2 million dollars a year U.S. running the parent company of British Gas, who provide energy for things like people’s furnaces, announced that by the year 2010 the average British household could see their utility bill increase as much as $2,000 a year! He is aware that this is a serious issue for most families. He is not without a solution though. He says that if you cannot afford heat just put on another sweater. He also went on to say “And if carbon dioxide is causing Global Warming then maybe you should stop breathing so much. Especially you fat people.”

I’ll tell you what, I will come over there and run the company and I will do it for just $1,000,000 a year. S

ince utilities are legalized monopolies I know I am more than qualified since I don’t have to worry about things like market share or competition. Hell, In fact, outside of making sure the gas is flowing and people are paying their bills I don’t what work a CEO of a utility would actually do. That would still give me plenty of time to write for the site. Maybe we could do DB of the day. And that other mil, that can be used to help poor people pay their bills. Call me.

You Could Cut Cheese With Those Clavicles

Remember when Jenna Jameson was hot? WTF happened? Oh wait, I'm a female so I'm supposed to hate her for doing porn and subjugating herself and blah blah blah. Please. That woman's got balls. She revolutionized the female role in pornography and stinking bloody rich because she was smart enough to trademark her name when most girls are content to pack it up their noses and cram it into their chests.

Is this what dating an ultimate fighter does to a person???

Best Hair Plugs In Hollywood

Today we are having a show down to determine who has the best hair plugs in Hollywoodland. At one time both of these stars were showing definite signs of a receding hairline. Today, possibly by some miracle bestowed up them by our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ though more likely at the hand of a Rodeo Drive plastic surgeon, they have full(er) heads of hair.

In this corner, perpetually lacking any apparel on his torso, we have Matthew McConaughey. Best known for, well I am not exactly sure. Oh, he did have that one incident where he was busted for possession of weed while playing bongos in the nude with another dude. And that John Grisham film.

In the other corner we have The Piv – Jeremy Piven. A former balding, chubby comedic sidekick best known for being John Cusack’s best friend. Today he is the finely coiffed slightly buff co-star of Entourage who has given frat boy douchebag wannabes the catch phrase “Let’s hug it out, bitch.”

Here are the before pics


And here are the after


You vote and tell us. Just leave a comment.

And the Semi Ploweth Into Jedediah....

Watch the road, Abner!

A minivan was pulverized by a semi in St. Louis the other day. The driver of the semi was allegedly distracted by his cell phone, which caused him to run over ten other vehicles before crushing the van to bits. What's interesting about this crash is that the minivan was full of Amish people who had hired someone to drive them to a funeral in Tennessee. I guess you just can't stop progress.

Vagina Du Jour

Seems like there has been a lot of talk about the female sex organ here on ImRubberYourGlue.com. The other day we pondered if there was something wrong with Christie Brinkley’s snizz, and today’s vag du jour is Jessica Alba. These are two pretty fine vaginas mind you, although one is certainly past its prime. The one ostensibly still in it’s prime is Ms. Alba’s, though an article in OK! Magazine puts that in question.

Jessica brag’s about how easy her child birth was to the rag. In fact she said of her all natural child birth “I didn’t scream.” Natural child birth gives you absolutely zero drugs for pain. None. Not even Tylenol. That means she was able to pass something the size of a watermelon through her love canal sans opiates and didn’t even make a wimper? I had surgery a few years back that required me to be on a catheter and when they pulled it out I screamed like a school girl, and that was roughly the same size as the orifice it was exiting.

A woman should never brag that child birth was easy. Saying a human being can slide right out of you, no problem, implies there is little resistance going on down there. For a guy that can be downright discouraging, especially for those of us who are not Ron Jeremy.




This is how I like to think of Jessica Alba.....

Just pray it away.

Today I will be picking on the Christian Scientists.

These people have no common sense. If all it takes to make a religion is a bunch of people all looking the same direction and yelling the same name over and over with out any response then American Idol is a far better god than any that have came before, because at least your vote counts with that fay Ryan Seacrest.

Where was I?

Oh yeah. For about 100yrs this group of numb fucks has been praying for a cure for what ever ails em. Flu, toothache, teter(I don't know what teter is).

Get this straight you Judeo Christan fanatics. If millions of Jewish people didn't have there god answering prayers as they were marched in to furnaces across Europe during WW2 then what makes you think a little prayer to your god will fix your Erectile dysfunction.

GET WITH THE PROGRAM. SEE A DOCTOR AND FUCK YOUR WIFE. BEFORE THE GUY WATERING YOUR LAWN DOES.

P.S. i pay cash for human souls

What's Wrong With Christie Brinkley's Pussy?

So Christie Brinkley just settled her divorce to architect Peter Cook. Apparently the details that were about to come out were so embarrassing that they decided it was time to settle and stop the ugliness. This was Christie’s fourth marriage in her 4 years on the planet. So I think we can safely assume that something is wrong with Ms. Brinkley.

She was first married to an artist for nine years. Then she was married to Billy Joel for just 9 years. Billy, while a great singer and an icon in American music, is not that great looking of a guy. He’s short, way shorter then her. And if you saw his interview with Oprah, not much personality. I would have to conclude that landing Christie Brinkley was quite the catch for him, but apparently he was not married to her very long before he started cheating. She then was married to some real estate developer whom she filed for divorce just weeks after their first child was born. Again, this had to be the catch of a life time since he was basically just some dude.

This current divorce was caused by the husband having an affair with an 18 girl. It is also alleged that he was spending up to $8,000 a month on porn. He and Brinkley had only been married a few months when all of this was going on. The beginning of the relationship is when the sex is best, right? Yet this guy was already on to a little side action plus spending four figures a month on porn? Since even at 54 she is still easy on the eyes I can only draw one conclusion; something is wrong with her cha-cha. Either there is an odor issue or she simply chooses not to use it. I suppose that she could also be the world’s biggest pain in the ass but if that were the case would she had even gotten to the wedding stage 4 times?

By contrast, Angelina Jolie’s hoohee must be magical. She somehow got the best looking, most eligible bachelor in the country and convinced him that rather than banging a different “10” each night he would much happier taking care of a bunch of third-world kids. There is obviously two very different vaginal dynamics going on here.