women?!

I find it very interesting that the first time and every time since when I use my tongue on a woman it elicits the same response.

Good to know I still have skills.

love,

-ideajones

I need to tell you a secret

i do wonderful things when i'm drunk.

i don't remember them.

the next day i am told they were not wonderful.

MISUNDERSTOOD AGAIN.

love,

-ideajones

Reconsidering Children

As someone who never really wanted children, expecting them to be spoiled, drooling, fun vacuums.

I must now change my tune.

That is as long as the people who own this little darling bastard are willing to part with him.

Come home with me little ideajones and we will take over the world.

love,

-ideajones

Cockula

For the past few days, I've been trying to get my friend Brennan to go as Count Chocula for Halloween (because they look alike) and my friend Chris to accompany him as Frankenberry (because he owns two purple shirts). But, as with many other things in my life that were good, pure, and mocking, porn has gone and ruined it.

Now I won't be able to think of Count Chocula without immediately flashing to the Count Cockula, which is apparently the must-have the sex toy for anyone who wants to get their dick bitten off.

Should Elton John Be Allowed to Adopt?

Lots of celebrities want to adopt kids from foreign countries. An adopted black babay is the must-have accessory in Hollywood right now. Between Madonna and Angelina Jolie
and all the media attention they got, celebs figure it's great PR. Now Even Elton John wants in on the action. There is some debate going on as to whether or not he should be allowed to adopt. Let me answer that question......

Simply put…HELL NO! And it is has nothing to do with his sexual preference at all. The reason he should not adopt is that he is 62 years old. There is no practical way he can keep up with a kid at that age. Look, my father was 46 when I was born. By the time I was old enough to where I would want my dad to play ball with me, he was on his first bypass surgery. We watched a lot of 60 Minutes together though. So if Sir Elton were allowed to adopt there could be a point where both he and his kid are wearing diapers and eating soft food. Plus how can the kid ever understand Halloween when your dad’s understated outfit is a Donald Duck suit.

17th and Growing (possibly NSFW)

According to (ahem) Manhunt Daily, Washington D.C. is the American state region with the biggest dicks. Anatomically speaking, I mean, not just in terms of personality. The results were tallied based on Manhunt members' (ha, members! uh...I'm really easy) profiles, which recently were updated with a penis size option.

So if we accept that a fair amount of LYING is going on, Missouri is either 17th on the list (says Manhunt) or anywhere between the 12th and 20th (based on my own dating history). Which is good to know, especially when you consider that those size-obsessed idiots in Texas may be bigger(15th), but all the Jersey douchebags out there are decidedly smaller (40th).

The President is Near

I truly cannot understand why people are upset that the President of the United States will be addressing students. I cannot think of a sole reason why the leader of our country should not. Sitting presidents have always reached out to the students of our country encouraging them to read, stay in school, keep off drugs, etc.. In fact, remember where George W. Bush was when the 9/11 attacks took place? At a school reading to kids.

It’s sad that there are enough people who are taking their queues from people like Glenn Beck, who is doing the best angry journalist act since Peter Finch in Network. There is no way Beck believes the crap he spews. I could go on all day about that but Chez at Deus ex Malcontent did it way better than I can. I’ll just say that Beck is a better actor than Edward Norton and Gary Oldman, times ten. When you say that the president is trying to indoctrinate the youth into his socialist agenda, it tells me you do not know what socialism truly is. I think I know the true motivation behind why people are upset about the President is speaking to kids. Just watch this: