Excellent Tactic, Mr. President

According to 23/6, The White House Is Rubber, Everyone Else is Glue. Brilliant title aside and with a little help from the New York Times, here is what they say....

The EPA recently completed a report concluding that greenhouse gases are pollutants that must be controlled. Rather than being forced to respond to the findings with new regulation, The White House ducked any obligation with an ingenious tactic. They refused to open the e-mail that contained the report. The email remains unopened....if you don't read it, it cannot be.

This piece of news provoked the same reaction in me that underage girls do when I'm bartending and ask for their IDs. If the card isn't from out of state and features someone of another race (good idea, girls), whatever prostitot has come into the bar and asked for our "cocktail list" pretends like she left her ID at home. Most will go as far as to dump their entire purse on the bar*, as if sparkly lip gloss and Hello Kitty stickers on their packs of birth control pills don't betray their age.

*I should mention that I'm talking about a dive smaller than my living room. I'm also lazy and resentful of anyone who can't drink like a man, so the only "cocktails" I make contain two ingredients, tops.

But I digress. What I meant to say was that denying an e-mail's existence by refusing to open it is the same as teenage girls pretending to have misplaced their IDs. Bitches, please. I was pulling that kind of shit when I was twelve and it didn't work then.

It's almost as if the Bush administration is working in reverse. Instead of the typical life-of-crime progression that most of us experience beginning in adolescence, the Bush administration went straight for murder, larceny, etc. right out of the gate. We should have known that once Bush was in the sundowner phase of his presidency and appearing at elementary schools, he'd have picked up a plan from Little Timmy Boogerpicker.