My dad was fond of saying that “There are more horses’ asses in the world than there are horses.” If he were alive today he would probable modify that statement to be “There are more douche bags in this world than there is douche. (I could have said something like smelly pussies, but this is a classy blog). You may have noticed that douche bag is a frequently used word on I’m Rubber Your Glue. It’s also one of my personal favorites. I don’t think most douche bags know they are douche bags. So as a public service I thought I would point out some signs so that when you look in the mirror you can tell if you yourself are indeed a douche bag.
You have one more of the following combinations on your face – an extremely manicured beard or soul patch, more than one earring, a handlebar moustache, your collar “popped,” you are wearing a ball cap at any angle other than straight, and grills.
It’s below 38 degrees and you are wearing shorts to show of your cool leg tat.
You roll up your sleeves to show of your “guns.”
You own more than 1 item from Abercrombie and Fitch.
You drive a car that you have spent more than $500 customizing.
You have more than two types of product in your hair.
You have a show and a 24-hour news network (Keith Olbermann partially excluded, Tim Russert totally excluded)
You have a reality show on the Bravo network.
These are just a few signs. There are plenty more. Contrary to popular belief, sitting in a Starbucks writing on your laptop does not make you a douche bag. No, being in Starbucks in and of itself makes you a douche bag not to mention paying $4 for a cup of coffee.
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