I noticed there has been little on I’m Rubber Your Glue lately. Part of the reason for that is I have not read any news, watched any TV, and done very little web surfing over the past week. Therefore I have not heard about any stupid celebrities and any stupider politicians. I am aware that Jamie Lynn Spears had a kid, so did Matthew McConaughey (I understand he even wore a short in the delivery room). And I am just going to assume that John McCain has changed his position on Iraq, FISA Warrants, and the economy several times. I also took some time off work so I also have not encountered any stupid people either. Until today.
I was back at work and it was one of the girl’s birthdays, a nice person who is one of the few people at work I actually like. As she was leaving one person wished her happy birthday and one of the three things you should never say ever. Unless you are a douchebag and fully committed to your douchebaggery. You have heard them all before but bear with me while I list them here (feel free to cringe).
1. Is it hot/cold/wet enough for you? I know you are trying simply trying to be nice, make conversation, and are not intelligent enough to think up anything original to say. I get it.
I was back at work and it was one of the girl’s birthdays, a nice person who is one of the few people at work I actually like. As she was leaving one person wished her happy birthday and one of the three things you should never say ever. Unless you are a douchebag and fully committed to your douchebaggery. You have heard them all before but bear with me while I list them here (feel free to cringe).
1. Is it hot/cold/wet enough for you? I know you are trying simply trying to be nice, make conversation, and are not intelligent enough to think up anything original to say. I get it.
2. When you’re done washing the car/mowing the lawn you can do mine next. Oh, you are quite the comedian! I bet you write for Carrot Top or worse yet, Dane Cook. Maybe you actually think you are a Jedi and you are attempting to use the mind trick?
3. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do. That’s the one I heard today that inspired this whole thing. You are an asshole so I am probably not going to do anything you would do so that only leaves me with doing things you wouldn’t do.
I know sometimes even for us non-douchebags it can be hard to resist saying these things, especially when dealing with the truly douchebagged, but these words should never pass the lips of anyone wanting to live in decent society. While you ponder this, I thought I would leave you with what may be the greatest cartoon I have ever read.
I know sometimes even for us non-douchebags it can be hard to resist saying these things, especially when dealing with the truly douchebagged, but these words should never pass the lips of anyone wanting to live in decent society. While you ponder this, I thought I would leave you with what may be the greatest cartoon I have ever read.
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