I have a problem with hippies. It's not so much the peace or love (or dope, really) that irritates me. I think those things are aces. My problem with hippies stems from my dislike of uselessness.
Hippies are so purposeless. They wander about all dumbstruck like children who were dropped on their heads (and landed on giant bongs). No matter how political or informed they claim to be (hemp will save the world, man!), they just sort of stumble around, blissfully unaware of their surroundings or the reality of the issues their lifestyle is supposed to represent. Hippies are just too lazy to care. Baths? Meh. Jobs? Meh. Crappy music? Double dog meh. Much like the undulating swamp stomp style of their dancing, hippies just kind of bend with the wind.
The stinky, filthy wind.
My most recent brush with the hippies occurred at last week's Tom Waits show. I was excited to see this show. Insanely excited. I actually had heart palpitations when I got good seats. Tom Waits doesn't tour all that often, you see, and he's not exactly a whippersnapper anymore. As I took my seat in the grandest old theater in St. Louis, I expected magnificence. I wanted to be illuminated.
What I got was hippies.
To deal with my anger over the hippies, I did what any disgruntled Internet haver does: I went to Craigslist. (My post here.) So far I've received about 30 e-mails from fellow concertgoers who wished to share their support (including one Blogger who linked me). Some gems....
"loved your rant!....why someone didn't get up and throttle them i don't know....next time maybe we should unite and outdance them back into their seats..."
"One asshole at the show I was at (Houston) yelled out "Play some Skynyrd" Tom quickly replied "I thought I told you to stay in the corner" There were a few more assholes yelling requests too. Your post was dead on."
“I feel for you....their... uh... gyrations I guess we'll call them, were distracting enough that I kept craning my neck over, wishing I was close enough to swat them in the back of their mangy heads.”
“....your post is damn hilarious. Thanks for the laughs, sorry bout the granola.”
“Brilliant, brilliant posting. The assholes in front of me blazed up a few times and couldn't stop from moshing in their seats, their arms and hands constantly entering and re-entering my line of vision. Just wanted to say I identified.”
“Right on for you - if I see them I'll punch their teeth out for you.”
“God, thank you.”
Seriously, what is wrong with people like this????
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